Workbook Part II:
Positive Mental Attitude
To read the accompanying explanation for these exercises, go to chapter two: Positive Mental Attitude. Click here.
Attitude Quiz
The most difficult thing about positive thinking is to recognize your own attitudes. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "People only see what they are prepared to see." You can bet that you probably have a couple of negative attitudes that hold you back. It is hard to see them at first, but answering these questions will give you a clue about what they lie. The more "yes" answers you give to the following questions, the more likely it is that you have negative attitudes and beliefs. Chances are they are so deeply imbedded that you do not even notice them.
Do you:
have bad habits that you find difficult to break?
act impulsively in self-destructive ways?
find it difficult to bend with change?
feel frightened of what the future may bring?
tend to put things off until it is too late?
try to avoid controversy at all cost?
lose friends over petty arguments?
have ongoing conflict with the people closest to you?
tend to talk too much about your health (or other) problems?
say negative things about yourself?
suffer from ailments that could come from stress?
attract friends who have negative attitudes?
waste too much time solving other people's problems?
think there is something wrong with people in general these days?
think the world is getting worse?
Reality Check: Identify Negative Attitudes
If your belief system were in complete harmony with the laws of nature, you would accept everything that happens and know what to do. You would feel the full range of human emotions as they come up in life's ever changing circumstances. However, when you see life from a distorted viewpoint, you cause problems for yourself. You think things "should" be different to fit your belief system and you waste mental energy feeling unhappy and upset. One way to detect a negative belief is to look for the areas where you experience a great deal of frustration. Perhaps the frustration comes from the way you see it, rather than the situation itself.
If you adjust your viewpoint in a troubling situation, sometimes all the dynamics can change. If you are open to new attitudes and ways of looking at things, you might see more opportunities to solve the problems. At first, it is difficult to change your attitudes because they are based on your beliefs. You take your beliefs for granted or they would not be your beliefs.
You may believe you are right to feel upset, but you must also admit that there are other ways to look at a situation. As you work on the questions in this exercise, remember that you are trying to identify effective new ways to deal with the things that bother you.
What types of situation always makes you feel irritable?
When something bad happens in your life, do you often think "it's not fair"?
Why do you think difficult situations should not happen to you?
Do you think there is something wrong with youth, the world, or people these days?
What do you see as the emerging trends in society?
Do you think life should be easier? If so, why?
Do you think life is a cruel punishment or joke? If so, what evidence do you have to back that up?
Do you think of yourself as unlucky, dumb, worthless, ugly, or do you make another global negative judgment about yourself?
What are the adjectives you use to describe yourself?
Do you think everybody else is successful, lucky, happy, etc., but you are the only one who is not?
Do you think there is any value in comparing yourself to other people or some ideal of what you should be?
Do you think you should be further along than where you are in life right now? If so, why do you think that?
Do you expect your life to be perfect? If so, why?
If these questions brought out any negative beliefs, how can you use rational thinking to jar those stubborn beliefs loose?
Note down the irrational attitudes you need to work on:
Identify Superstitions
Refer back to the list of things that may cause superstitious fear in Part II. Do any of these things worry you?
If you are not bothered by anything on this list, do you have any similar irrational fears that might be like superstitions? If so, note down the nature of these beliefs:
What would happen if you broke one of your superstitious taboos?
Have you ever tried it? If so, what happened?
Besides these consequences, what evidence do you have that your fears are true?
What evidence would convince you that the superstition is just in your imagination?
Change a Habit Worksheet
We could all use some help with bad habits. This exercise is based on the Maxwell Maltz technique to change negative habits. Habits can be stubborn, so start with something easy and work up to bigger problems once you have some practice on how to do it.
Write down a habit that you wish to change:
If this is a mental habit, write down the corresponding behavior that goes with it:
If this is a behavioral habit, write down the corresponding thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes behind it:
Describe the circumstances where you practice the bad habit:
How long have you struggled with this habit and how easy do you think it will be to change?
Recall the first time you practiced the habit:
Explain how you learned the habit:
List the benefits the habit provides:
Write down some ways that you could give yourself the same rewards in a more positive way:
Visualize the new behavior you want to develop. Picture the new thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes that go with it.
When you have a clear picture of what you want, write it down in a few short sentences:
Summarize your statement in one or two words:
Throw away the old habit. Visualize using the new habit. Imagine how you will feel and how other people will react to your new positive behavior.
If you find yourself repeating the old habit, read over your goal statement and think about it throughout the day. Relax and visualize your goals.
If you continue to fall back into the old habit, take a more introspective look at why you do it and what you get out of it. Write down your first impressions:
If you fear your habit has become like an addiction, seek professional help or join a support group for people with similar problems.
If You Have Trouble Changing Mental Habits
The most common mistake you can make when you try to change a mental habit is to focus only on the bad behavior you wish to change. You will be much more successful if you focus on the healthy behaviors you want to develop. Let go of old habits even in your mind. Identify any bad habits where you focus on the habit instead of the new behavior you wish to learn:
The opposite problem happens when you are afraid to look at your mistakes. The material hidden in your shadows needs to be processed, not ignored or projected at something outside. You do not need to solve everything at once, but identify at least one area of your personality that you're not ready to work on yet:
Set an approximate date or describe a time in your life when you will address these issues:
Positive mental attitude grows out of self-appreciation and self-esteem. Never beat yourself up emotionally. Maxwell Maltz said, "As soon as the error has been recognized and corrections made, it's equally important that the error be forgotten and the successful attempt remembered and dwelt upon." If you stop dwelling on negative thoughts they will fade and lose their power over you.
Since there is a tendency to dwell on some bad habits and deny others, you need to be open to examining all your beliefs and attitudes without being over-sensitive. Write a short mission statement about how you want your life to be:
Be Patient With Yourself
The most common mistake in positive thinking is to expect too much from yourself. You might have negative situations in your life that restrict your ability to be in a good mood. This exercise will help you identify these blocks so you can see where you need to put your energy first. Note down your issues in each of these areas:
Restrictions on your time:
Financial limitations:
Family situations:
Work situations:
Acute stress:
Chronic stress:
Pressing responsibilities:
Illness or disabilities:
Psychological problems that need attention first:
Other areas of resistance:
Considering all these factors, how hard or easy do you think it will be to change your attitudes and learn positive thinking?
Holistic Positive Thinking
Another common mistake is to try to think a lone positive thought and expect it to work. If you have a generally negative attitude about your body, for example, visualize yourself fit and healthy may take a long time to work. Your new positive thoughts must compete with all the well-established, old thoughts you have had in your head for years. The sum total of your thoughts - your temperament - is what counts. You will manifest your intentions best in areas where you are more mature, whole, and committed. Here is an exercise to help you get unstuck.
List one area where positive thinking does not seem to work for you:
Identify all the negative beliefs you hold in this area of your life:
Instead of trying to change everything at once, name one small step you could take to improve your thoughts in this area:
If you are successful in changing these thoughts, what is the next pattern you would like to change?
Exploring Projections
What is the one thing you hate most about other people?
If there were one person in particular who embodies that fault, who would it be? It can be someone you know or someone you have only heard of.
What is this person's worst personality trait?
Have you ever had a time in your life when you had first-hand experience with that trait?
Is it possible that you have traces of the same negative trait in yourself?
If so, where did it come from?
What have you done to root it out of your life?
Now think about a stranger that you may have met recently who seemed to embody the negative traits you despise. It could be someone you met in traffic, an operator you had to deal with on the telephone, a cashier, a telephone solicitor, or anyone who annoyed you in the last several days. Write down one example:
What do you think it was about this person that made you angry?
Now think about your closest circle of friends. Do you have any areas of conflict with one or more of your closest associates?
Now think of the three types of people above (people in general, strangers, and friends). Who is responsible for the conflict: you, the other person, both, or neither of you?
If you feel the friction is exclusively the other person's fault, think about it some more. Is there any possibility that you created the problem unconsciously by projecting your inner drama onto the relationship?
How much do you know about the other person?
If the person is an outright abuse perpetrator, what steps will you take to get justice or get the person out of your life?
If you are projecting your inner conflict on this person (or type of person), how can you withdraw your projects and deal with your inner conflict?
Bad Karma: Release the Curse
Is there anyone you hate so much that you wish you could curse that person? It can be someone you know or someone you only hear about on TV or other media. Write down the person's name or initials:
Choose one thing this person did wrong that bothers you:
Why do you think motivated this person?
If this person may have committed acts of violence (emotional or physical), what justice do you feel the person deserves?
If justice were served, what would be the highest possible outcome for this person and everyone involved in the situation?
If justice were meted out, would you release your curse?
What steps could you take to contribute toward justice in this case?
While you are waiting for justice, how difficult would it be to stop focusing on your hatred and focus on the highest possible outcome instead?
If you cannot imagine giving up your hatred, consider whether you may be projecting some aspect of your own shadow on this figure. Return to the previous exercise, "Exploring Projections."
Build Self-Confidence
Everyone makes mistakes. However, some people hold onto mistakes longer than others. Maxwell Maltz said, "The un-happiest of mortals is that man who insists upon reliving the past, over and over in imagination - continually criticizing himself for past mistakes - continually condemning himself for past sins."
If you worry about something you did a long time ago, or something you said that may have been interpreted wrong, try this exercise.
Relax and breathe deeply. Recall an embarrassing incident where you may have made a mistake. Did you have any bad intentions or suppressed anger that led to your mistake?
Looking at it from the perspective of your higher self, what can you learn from the mistake?
Imagine how you would react if a dear friend made a similar mistake:
Would you handle the situation differently, knowing what you know now?
How will you handle similar situations in the future?
Affirm that if you can truly change how you feel about this incident, it will uplift your overall self-confidence. Close your eyes and take a few minutes to consciously reprogram that one neuron that stubbornly holds onto the negative feelings. Make it feel positive. Once you feel the old pattern give way to a positive self-confident pattern, think about how you can reward yourself for breaking the old pattern. Rewarding yourself will reinforce your new attitude. What is one nice thing you can do for yourself now that you are free of old self-condemnation:
Write about your experience with this exercise. Do you feel it worked?
Positive Mental Attitude Quotes
Your final exam for each workbook chapter: choose one quote, write it on an index card, and post it temporarily where you will remember to read it several times a day. Extra credit: Look up something more about the author and context of the quote.
"Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind." - Alice Meynell (English poet, 1847 - 1922)
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." - Scottish Proverb
"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances." - Martha Washington
"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen." - Frank Lloyd Wright (architect, 1867 - 1959)
"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant." - Horace (65 - 8 BC)
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"A healthy strong ego, with plenty of self - esteem, does not feel itself threatened by every innocent remark." - Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S.
"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them." - Count Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)
"The way we see the problem is the problem." - Stephen R. Covey (contemporary business consultant and author)
"Think you can, think you can't; either way, you'll be right." - Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." - Hannah More (British Reformer and Philanthropist, 1745 - 1833)
"Stop worrying and start living." - Dale Carnegie
"Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." - Unknown
"When we consciously and deliberately develop new and better habits, our self image tends to outgrow the old habits and grow into the new pattern." - Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S.
